Loneliness
sets in
Who am I
and who will I become?
Thoughts of
potential sins
Thoughts of
doing something dumb
Thoughts of
perpetual aristocracy
Muddled
with my failures
Inoculated with
the imbecility
Beginning
this advancing allure
Carrying me
off into the sunset
Thoughts
running rampant
Tearing
down the effulgent
Bringing
forth an advent
Of mixed
peccadillos and venialities
Hoping
against itself that
It will
merely amount to insipidities
At the end
it will be just another rant
All of
these thoughts combine
Swirling
like a hurricane
Slowly they
poison my mind
These
thoughts are so ingrained
Will I ever
be in the right?
Can I ever achieve
the perfection,
That is
always in their sights?
Can I ever
show true affection?
Can I ever
love a woman the way,
That she
needs, not that I want?
Can I ever
provide enough mercy and grace?
Can I ever
imitate God?
Poisoned, I
need an antidote
I endeavor
to elucidate
So I make
another anecdote
Or maybe I
just hallucinate
Because I
am speaking gibberish
Or am I on
to a struggle
That all
Christian men wish
Would be
more subtle?
Amazing the
realization
Hits at the
same moment
With
obvious illustration
It does not
sugarcoat it
Will I ever
be good enough?
Will I have
something to offer?
Will I not
be gentle, but too rough?
Will there
be coins in my coffer?
Will I fail
as a man?
Will I fail
as a father?
Will I fail
as a husband?
Should I
even bother?
Can I make
the cut?
Can I stand
out among others?
Will her
heart remain shut?
Will she
only be attracted to brothers?
Doubts,
fears, and everything else
Haunt my
contemplations
The
throbbing of my head feels like welts
Perhaps
from all of the speculations
Considering
I am not clairvoyant
I am merely
a pesky human
So I must
think different and void it
And I must
cease assuming
That I will
always make a mistake
Even though
it is highly probable
So I am
more scared that I will be fake
Than a
virtuous Zerubbabel
My
faithful, trusted friends
Tell me
that I “need to meet some women”
But how
does that profit me in the end?
Will it
help me with cohabiting?
Will it
help me to be intimate?
Will it
plant a desire for missions?
Will it
help console me when I am irate?
Will it
help me make big decisions?
Or will it
create bigger ones?
What is the
point?
Should I
sacrifice my heartstrings to “have some fun”?
Should just
ignore that little voice
That is my
conscience
Should I go
against what I believe,
To follow
possible concupiscence?
Will it
grant me reprieve?
Sure it
might make me less anxious
But it will
desensitize me to the wrong
And lead me
into things unsanctioned
You can interrogate
any of the strong
Ask them
how they were subdued
Behind
every major fall
Is a woman
that was shrewd
And the man
gave his all
But his all
was too little
Or too much
depending on the tale
Because
every jot and tittle
Faded and
turned into a fail
Patience is
a virtue
And true
love always waits
Or so the
common ideology spews
And so
common are the traits
But what if
patience does me no good?
What if it
does me harm?
Like my
heart tells me it would
Or maybe
that is just my arm
Being
squeezed in seduction
By a beauty
too good to pass up
Perhaps an
introduction
Would be
worth it for me to stand up
